Shattered
by mcbway
Summary: One month since the prom. One month since he had chosen. One month since he had shattered the hopes of the one who loved him most.
1. Prologue

_A/N.: My first Grey's Anatomy fanfic. Please don't be to strict, for english is not my native language._ _Please review!

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**Shattered - Prologue**

One month since the prom One month since he had chosen. One month since he had shattered all hopes for the one who really loved him. For the one whom he truly loved.

She was ready to go home. Alone, like everyday since the happenings of the prom. She had changed her clothes and combed her hair. She had said goodbye to Miranda Bailey and now she stood in the hall ready to go home. She knew that in a few moments the doors of the elevator would open and Derek would step out of it. A smiling Derek. But the smile wouldn't be directed at her, another woman would be the aim of this smile. Another woman's knees would go weak, another woman's eyes would light up. The woman would slide her arms around his waist and maybe she would kiss him, or maybe she would just smile at him.

She shook her head and tried to fight back the tears. She wasn't a weak person, never had been. She was a fighter, but she also knew when she didn't stand a chance anymore.

The elevator doors opened and two figures stepped out. A man and a woman. Her heart stopped for a second when she recognized Derek. The man she loved so dearly. She stood perfectly still, not able to move nor to tear her gaze away from those two. The woman was the first to see her and the laugh in her eyes died away. Derek glanced at the woman before them. The one he didn't choose. The one he had lived with so many years, the one he had loved for so long. He pulled the woman by his side closer. The one before him was his past, the one by his side his present and future.

"Derek. Meredith." The tears were still there, but neither Derek nor Meredith saw them. Wanted to see them.

"Addison." Dereks face froze. Would she always stand between him and Meredith?

They stared at one another, not able to move away. Then Meredith looked at Derek and said "Derek I'd like to speak with Addison."

Derek hesitated but nodded. Maybe Meredith could talk some sense into Addison. "I am going to wait in the car. Don't take too long." He smiled at her and left.

"You have to stop this!" Meredith demanded and looked up at Addison. "You have to stop to wait for him and look at him with this hurt in your eyes."

"I don't wait for him." _My heart does._

"You do! He chose my, why can't you finally accept that? Is it so hard to let go?"

Addison gasped in shock.

"You were the first one to cheat on him. It's your own fault that he doesn't love you anymore." Meredith nearly shouted now, not caring that there were a few people looking at them.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand."

Meredith growled. "Things I don't understand? No, you don't understand. You cheated on him, he caught you and now live with the consequences."

"You don't know anything. You don't know how it feels to be married with someone you love more than life and to be ignored. You ask yourself why I cheated? You really want to know? I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted to be seen again. I wanted him to look at me and see me and not through me. You know that he wasn't there anymore? Always at the hospital, always buried in work. You know that he forgot my birthday, his birthday, our anniversary. You don't know how it feels to be alone, all alone. He might sit next to you, he might share his bed with you, but you are alone, because he sees through you. You ask yourself why, but you can't seem to find an answer. So you do something you know that you are going to regret, but you can't help it, because you want to be seen again and it's the only way to achieve that. I wanted him to fight for me, really fight for me and our love. For our marriage."

Meredith was speechless. She had never seen the surgeon so on the edge of breaking down.

"So you don't speak of things you think I don't understand, because it's you who doesn't understand." And with that Addison turned around and stormed out, leaving a confused Meredith behind.


	2. Chapter 1

_A/N.: Thanks for the reviews. This story is an ADDEK, so no worries please ;)

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**Shattered - Chapter 1**

She regretted everything that she had said as soon as she had left the hospital. She wasn't the person to break down in front of other ones, especially in front of those who she didn't count her friends. But it had happened and now she had to live with the fact that Meredith would tell Derek. And Derek would put on this It-wasn't-my-fault-either-face and her heart would still be shattered. Oh yes he was a master with looks. He could do the sexy Go-and-get-me face as good as the could-you-please-just-love-me face. Addison sighed, she should finally start to try to forget him. But how? Her heart was full of him and memories of their marriage. Her whole being was full of him, without him she felt so incomplete. Before she was Addison Montgomery-Sheperd and now she was just Addison soon to be only Montgomery again.

The tears came again. They stung in her eyes, she didn't want to shed them, but she also couldn't hold them back. So she sat down on the bed of her hotel room and began to cry silently.

Miranda Bailey stared out of the window. She still had two hours to work, although she wished to be at home with her husband and her little kid. She just wanted to relax and forget the scene she had witnessed half an hour ago. She closed her eyes and again saw Meredith Grey yelling at Addison. And she saw Addison speaking with a shaky voice and glistening eyes. She saw a dumbfounded Meredith and the very sad look on Addisons face. Then Addison had stormed out and Meredith had stood there, frozen and confused.

Miranda opened her eyes again. She was sure that Addison needed a friend right now. She grabbed her phone and dialled a number.

"Hey! Everything okay at home? Hmm, no that's not why I'm calling. I just wanted to tell you that I'm coming home late. No, I am not working more hours, I just have to visit a friend. Addison? How do you know? Of course. Thanks. Give the kid a kiss from me. Love you too! Bye." Bailey sighed. It was good to have a family she could count on.

She watched TV, or at least she pretended to watch TV.

Her tears had dried now, but she knew that there were so many to fall. She flipped to another channel and tried to concentrate on the story.

"Great, another love-triangle." She thought and stood up when she heard a knock on the door.

"Miranda, what are you doing here?"

"I am here to help you get better. I brought chocolate and wine, because those two are the best friends of a girl when heartbroken."

Addison laughed softly and said "You can hardly address me as a girl, Miranda."

"Once a girl, always a girl. Remember that. So, will you let me in, or do I have to stay here?" Bailey grinned. It felt good to make her smile again. Last time she had seen Addison smile was shortly before the prom.

"Depends on which chocolate you brought."

"Nougat." Miranda answered shortly.

"Then you may come in." Addison went back into her sleeping room, which was her living room at the same time.

"You know that you could change into a bigger suite, right?"

Addison just shrugged her shoulders. "It seams that everything is meaningless to me, except my patients." The red haired woman sat down, only to stand up again to get two glasses and a bottle opener. "Just sit down Miranda. You don't have to stand."

Miranda rolled her eyes but smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Addison came back and sat beside Miranda. "How do you think I'm feeling? You saw the scene I guess, otherwise you wouldn't be here at the moment."

Addison closed her eyes for a few moments. The tears were coming back and she really didn't want to cry at the moment.

"It's okay to cry, you know. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do."

"But tears won't bring me Derek back. Won't bring me his love back. I've lost Miranda, I know it. I lost Derek and my marriage to Meredith. I know that, I just needed the slap of reality to finally get it."

Miranda sighed. "What will you do now? Go back into your city?"

Addison shook her head. "I like Seattle, I have secure working place here. I am going to stay."

"You know that you will see those love birds everyday at work?"

The redhead nodded. "I am going to work through it. It just hurts at the moment." Then suddenly she broke down. The glass fell to the ground and Addison pressed her hands on her heart as she cried. "I don't know what to do. It hurts, it hurts so much. My heart … it's like someone ripped it apart. I don't feel complete anymore, there are so many pieces missing and it hurts so much to see him with her." She now pressed her hand against her mouth, but she couldn't control the sobs. "Miranda, I hurt him. I really hurt him back in New York, I really did. I know. But that doesn't give him the right to hurt me even more, does it?"

Miranda sighed and embraced Addison. That's all she could do. She could cry with her and offer her every support she was able to give.


	3. Chapter 2

_A/N.: Thank you for the review. I am so happy that you like my story

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**Shattered - Chapter 2**

She came to work with red puffed eyes and messy hair. She saw the compassionate glances of her colleagues and the nurses. They looked at her, but they didn't ask. So she was just left alone, busy with her work. But not even work could prevent her mind from drifting back to Derek. He had been hers for so long. She had loved him for years and she still did. She would always love Derek, but his love wouldn't be hers anymore. He wouldn't smile at her with his McDreamy smile. He would never again hold her while she slept or cried. He would never again be there when she felt alone. And she felt alone so often these days.

Addison looked up when Miranda ran towards her. "We need you, Addison. A car accident, drunken student race into the car of a little family. The woman's nine months pregnant. She's got several injuries."

"I am right behind you." Addison said. Just moments later she stood in front of the patient. A patient everybody knew wouldn't make it. But maybe they could save the little one inside. Addison looked around. Derek wasn't here, neither Meredith. She was all alone with Miranda, Alex Karev and a few nurses.

"Time of death, 4:35."

The parents both hadn't made it. They would never be able to see their little baby daughter, who was held by Addison at the moment. Such a gorgeous little girl.

"Hey there little one." Addison whispered softly. "We are going to take care of you. We are going to find you a nice family, who'll love you as if you were one of them."

Addison sat down in one of the rocking chairs and tried to put the baby to sleep. When she heard a soft knock, she glanced up and smiled a little.

"How's she?" Miranda approached the rocking chair to have a look at the little wonder.

"She's fine. Ten toes and ten fingers. She's perfectly healthy. I just lulled her to sleep, but I think she'll be up again soon. She will want something to eat." Addison smiled down at the little figure in her arms. It felt so soft, so right, so perfect. And suddenly she wished that she had one of her own. Her gaze grew softer and her smile wider as she imagined herself holding a child, after giving birth to it a few moments before.

"Are you going to give her a name?" Miranda asked. Of course she had seen to look and she knew that look. She always looked the same way when she watched her little boy play.

"I thought about it. But it doesn't seem right, for she's not mine, although I wished otherwise."

"You want a kid?"

"I always wanted children. Derek and I even tried for a few months, but we had to put it on ice because of our careers."

"You can always have children. You don't need Derek for this."

Addison smiled again and nodded her head. "I know." The redhead looked up. Tears glistening in her eyes. "I signed the papers today." She whispered. "The divorce papers. There's no chance for me to win him back, so I'll give in. It's the best and maybe he will be happy with Meredith."

Miranda wanted to say something, but the baby didn't give her a chance to.

"She's hungry." Addison loved softly when the baby's mouth moved and began to suck her nipple through her blouse. "Angel, I wish I could help you with that."

"Shall I get a nurse?"

Addison shook her head. "I'll feed her myself. I'm on break so I have enough time."

beep beep Miranda glared at her beeper. "Seems I have new patients." She grinned slightly and waved at Addison. "You would make a great Mum, Addison. I'm sure of that."

Addison grinned down at the baby. "Oh yeah, I would." She got a bottle for the little girl and sat down again. "Hmm … you like that? It's yummie, hä? Hey don't fall asleep." She tickled the baby and laughed when it drank more.

Gently she placed the little baby girl in it's crib. "Time to sleep." She murmured. She stood there for a few moments, just drinking in the moment with the little girl. So peaceful, so quiet. Just perfect. Addison sighed. "I wish I could keep you."

"You could get babies on your own." The redhead turned around and her heart stopped for a second as she saw Derek leaning against the wall.

"What do you want Derek? Do you need a consult for a patient?" Her heart beat faster when he smiled at her.

"No. I just wanted to make sure that you are fine. Addie, …" He approached her.

"Don't call me that! You've lost the right to call me Addie." She said coldly. "I take it. Meredith has told you everything and now you feel guilty."

"We could still be friends."

Addison laughed. "Friends? You don't really think that, do you? I can't be a friend to you Derek. I can't be only your friend. Why don't you understand?"

"But we were friends before."

"Friends which love each other. We were friends because we were married and married people are often friends. But now I can't be your friend anymore, because …" She fell silent and sighed. Why was this so hard to explain? "Derek, please leave."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I ask you to be friends and you just turn me down, without giving it a second thought."

"You ever tried to be friends with someone whom you love? With someone who doesn't love you back? Try that and then tell me if you can do it." With this words and after a last glance at the baby she left him alone in the nursery.


	4. Chapter 3

_A/N.: Thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate them . Hope you like this chapter!_

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**Shattered - Chapter 3**

"You ask me to visit Stevens? You want me to speak with her and bring her back into the hospital? Why me?"

Addison and Miranda were sitting in the cantina of the hospital. They were meeting everyday to have their lunch together.

"Why can't you do it yourself?"

"Because I am the nazi. I have to be mean and here's the chance for you to be the good guy. Besides you like Izzie, you thought that she has great potential. She doesn't listen to her friends, but she will listen to you. You are her idol."

Addison laughed. "You have to be kidding."

"No, I mean it Addison. Just try, please."

Addison furrowed her brow. "Have you actually spoken with the boss about it?"

Miranda grinned. "It was his idea."

"Do you want to eat that?" Addison pointed at Mirandas pudding.

Miranda eyed her curiously. "You just had two of these and three sandwiches if I have to remind you and of course the soup. What are you? Pregnant?"

"Sure and besides I'm the Holy mother. How should I be pregnant?"

"I don't have to explain, do I?" Miranda laughed, but let the topic drop. "So will you speak to her or not?"

Addison sighed in defeat. Miranda was right, SHE had thought that Izzie Stevens had great potential as a neonatal doctor. "Okay, I'll do it. But if I meet Meredith or Derek, I swear that I am going to blame you."

Miranda sighed. "Your husband needs a kick in his ass, that's all."

"Soon to be ex husband." Addison whispered and once again a part of her heart shattered. She looked up at Miranda and said quietly "I haven't given him the papers yet. He didn't even ask about them."

Miranda put one hand on Addison's and said "You are avoiding him, how can he ask you about the papers if you run away as soon as you see him?"

"Right." Addison giggled nervously. "I think I just need some time." Then she smiled suddenly and asked "Do I get your pudding now or what?"

With a grin Miranda put her pudding on Addison's tray.

She knocked on the door and prayed that nobody was at home. Or at least that Meredith or Derek weren't there. That would be her ruin.

She was lucky, because Izzie herself opened the door.

"Dr. Sheperd? What are you doing here?" Isobel Stevens' hair was messy and really needed to be cut some time soon.

"I am here to talk to you." How should she do it? The direct way or the tough one? Or perhaps the softer one?

"Oh, okay. Come in. Do you want something to drink?" Izzie showed Addison into the living room.

"No, thank you." They were silent for a few minutes.

"Did Christina or George send you?" Izzie broke the awkward silence with her question. Nervously she fumbled with her t-shirt.

"No, I just came to talk to my intern."

Izzie shook her head. "I am not an intern anymore. You should know. It happened the same day as …" she stopped when she saw the hurt in the other woman's eyes. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to …"

"It's okay." The hurt was still there, but Addison knew how to hide it. She had learned it over the last month. "So," she tried to sound happy "how is my intern feeling?"

"Like I said, I am not an intern anymore." Izzie said stubbornly.

"You don't want to be a doctor anymore? That's like you're giving up a part of yourself. I know that you want to be a doctor Izzie. I've seen you with patients, you might get too attached but that doesn't make you a bad doctor. Sometimes it even makes you a better one." Izzie wanted to speak, but Addison hushed her. "One month ago you've made a decision. A decision that seemed right to you. A decision that maybe was even right in this situation. You have to know that right decisions not always go hand in hand with human ethics."

"What are you trying to tell me, Dr. Addison?"

"You are a great doctor Izzie. You are so talented, don't throw this talent away because you made a decision."

"I am not as talented as Christina or Meredith." Addie flinched as she heard the name of Derek's new love.

"I won't say that they aren't talented, because they are. But Yang is a carrier woman, a little too selfish sometimes. And Mer-" she had to clear her throat first, the lump in it made it nearly impossible to speak. "Meredith is a good doctor, there's nothing to say against her. But she'll always want to try to come out of the shadow of her mother. And not every person is able to do that and not break under the weight of it."

Izzie stared at the redheaded doctor opposite of her. She looked into her blue-green eyes and knew that Addison was telling the truth. "What do you want me to do?"

Addison smiled, she knew that she had won this one. "I want you to come back Monday morning. I want you to work under my wings. I want you to be a doctor again."


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N.: Thanks again. It won't be a Merder, I promise. I don't like Merder very much, I easily could go without Meredith . So it will be an ADDEK. XAddisonSheperdX, sorry to shatter your hopes, but I won't push Meredith down an elevator shaft ... there are more cruel ways to let her die joke ... we will see what happens in the love triangel ... Hope you like the new chapter.

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**Shattered - Chapter 4**

It was Monday and Addison felt like hell, although she had slept most of the time of her free weekend. At the moment she was trying to not fall asleep, while she waited for Izzie to show up.

She had just closed her eyes for a few moments, when there was a soft knock on the door. Addison yawned and said "Come in."

"Hi Dr. Sheperd. I am sorry that I'm late, but I had to take a bus because George and Meredith have a later shift today." This time Izzie seemed more relaxed. Her hair was combed and cut and she seemed to be well rested.

"It's okay Izzie. Now, I believe we can start the day, ha?" Addie stood up, but sank down on her chair again, when the room began to spin.

"Dr. Sheperd? Everything okay?"

"I'm just a little dizzy and need a few moments. Perhaps I just stood up too fast." The redhead tried to stand up again, but this time everything went black and she sank to the floor.

When her eyes fluttered open she saw directly into Izzies. "What … what happened?"

"You fainted. At the moment you are in one of the examination rooms. Don't worry, nobody knows that you fainted. Except for me and a few nurses, who helped me transport you here." Izzie smiled slightly. "Now I am going to examine you. You know take some blood, do the blood tests and so on."

"I am fine Izzie. Maybe I was dehydrated or something. I am fine. We have work to do, so let me up."

Izzie pretended not to have heard her. "Has this happened before?"

Addison groaned. "The fainting or the dizziness?"

"Both." came the short reply.

"The fainting just this once. The dizziness mostly in the morning, but for a few days now. And before you ask, I don't know for how long, I haven't counted the days."

"Did you have a fever the last few days?"

"No, like I said I am perfectly fine."

"We are going to wait for the blood tests. They won't take long, but you have to stay in bed till we get them. Do you understand?" Izzie grinned at Addison, who didn't look too pleased. "I am sure you curse the day when I was born, right?"

"You bet. Could I at least have a pudding? I really do have weird cravings at the moment. Last night I had to get up and eat a chocolate pudding or else I would've gone crazy."

Izzie stood still, totally shocked with the realisation, which had hit her right after Addison's statement. "Cravings?" She asked and had some problems with keeping her mouth shut. "Cravings? Dizziness?"

"What?" Izzie could tell that Addison was upset right now. "Are you trying to tell me that I am going into Menopause? I am 39, women my age don't go into menopause."

"I-I'll ran some test and come back to you." Izzie stormed out of the room and left the angry and insulted Addison alone. It couldn't be possible that a neonatal specialist, perhaps the most famous in the USA, was so blind that she didn't see the symptoms. Izzie shook her head. Sometimes people didn't see the things, which were right in front of them.

Three hours and four chocolate puddings later, Izzie finally had the results of Addison's blood test. And what she saw confirmed her suspicions. But how should she tell the attending?

"You finally got my results? Can I see them?" Addison grabbed the paper, but Izzie took it away. "What? Am I in menopause? Or is it something less dramatic?"

"I want to do an ultrasound to get sure." Addison looked up. Her gaze shocked and unbelieving.

"Give me the papers, Izzie." she said quietly.

Addison read her results and turned pale. "It can't be. That's impossible. Do the ultrasound, maybe they got something mixed up in the laboratory. I have to make sure, please do the ultrasound now."

"Give me one moment, I'll get a machine." A few moments later Izzie came back with the ultrasound machine. "Okay, let's have a look."

But before Izzie could start, Addison grabbed her hand and said "I'm scared."

"Scared about having a baby?"

Addison shook her head. "I am thrilled to have a baby, but I am scared about Derek's reaction. When I tell him, he'll come back to me, but not because of me. Just because of our child and I don't want that."

"We are going to do the ultrasound now and then we are going to think about Dr. Sheperd, okay?" Izzie tried to reassure her mentor, who nodded.

"I think there it is. You are definitely not in menopause."

"I want to see it." Izzie turned the monitor around and let Addison watch her child.

"Do you want me to check how far along you are?"

"Three months and a half." Addison answered. "That was the last time I slept with Derek. That's when he wanted to try. He wanted to make our marriage work again." Addison snorted. "Two months later he slept with Meredith at the prom."

"It's not Derek's fault alone."

"You are not on her side?" Addison was surprised. There were so many people in the hospital who were happy with the Meredith/Derek relationship. Mostly the people who called her Satan or other things.

"I am on nobodies' side. You've made mistakes, Derek made mistakes and Meredith too. You wouldn't be human if you didn't make any mistakes."

"The student outplays the teacher." Addison murmured and again looked at the ultra sound monitor. "Could you print this out?"

"Sure. Your first baby picture." Izzie gave Addison the picture and smiled. "You are going to make a great mum, with or without Derek Sheperd."

Addison smiled up at her new found friend. "Thank you, Izzie." Was all she said, before she broke out in tears.


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N.: Aset what's a FHB? Okay, I know this chapter is really short, but I thought the last sentence was the perfect ending for this chapter ... hope you like it so far, next one is coming soon, I promise. Now that I have holidays finally, I have enough time to write. Thanks for the reviews by the way._

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**Shattered - Chapter 5**

One week after she had found out that she was pregnant, she still hadn't told Derek that she was with his child. The only ones who knew from her pregnancy were herself and Izzie. She had let Izzie swear to god to not tell anyone. The blonde had been okay with this, but she also had told Addison that it would be the best to tell Derek as soon as possible.

And now she was standing in front of his office and tried to decide if she should go in or not. She didn't have to make a decision, because Derek approached her.

"Addison? Do you need a consult?" Derek smiled at her. Was it just his imagination or was Addison really glowing? He looked into her eyes. The hurt was still there, but there was something else. It was like she was protecting a secret only she knew. "Did you want to speak with me?"

"Mhmm. Yeah, I have to tell you something." She looked behind Derek, but Meredith wasn't there. "Where's Meredith?"

"She's with a patient. I'll meet her later for lunch. You're free to join us."

Addison smirked. "I don't think that this would be a good idea. Meredith would kill me within a second."

Derek grinned. "That could be true." He sat behind his desk and asked "What did you want to tell me?"

"I don't know how to tell you."

"We are friends, Addison. You know you can tell me everything."

"I told you that I can't be only your friend. That's simply not possible for me."

"But we can try. You can try to be friends with me and Meredith."

Addison laughed. Was this all a bad joke or what? "You want too much, Derek." She shook her head.

"You are such a selfish person, Addison" he told her, but his heart hurt when he saw a flash of hurt cross her face.

She stood up quickly and cursed herself for that when the room started spinning. She held herself up with the help of Derek's desk and closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes Derek was right beside her.

"What happened?"

"I was dizzy. Everything's okay now." She said and sat down again. Derek kneed in front of her and tried to look her in the eye, but she held her gaze down.

"Addie? Baby, tell me, what's wrong?"

Baby? He only named her like that when he was affectionate and sweet. When he was worrying about her. Addison looked up. She saw the worry in his eyes and something more, but she couldn't say what.

"Addie?" Derek followed his heart and took her hand in his. With his other hand he gently caressed her cheek.

She took a deep breath, ready to tell him. But then suddenly the courage was gone and she couldn't do it. "Everything's alright" she told him and tried to free her hand, which was impossible for her.

"You nearly fainted, Addie. There has to be something." He saw that she closed her eyes and that silent tears were floating down her cheeks. Meredith was forgotten. He wanted to hold the woman in front of him. He wanted to hold her, caress her, comfort her, love her.

"Don't look at me like that, Derek." He heard her whisper.

"How? How do I look at you?"

"As if you still love me. And we both know that you don't." Now she freed her hand, stood up and left his office.

Derek stood too and looked at the closed door. "You are wrong. We are both wrong."


	7. Chapter 6

_A/N.: Sorry, this chapter isn't very long either, but hey today's my birthday, so I hope you forgive me._

_Aset, one more dumb question: TI?_

_Hey and what, or who is Shonda?_

_Hope you like this chapter! It's not one of my best ..._

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**Shattered - Chapter 6**

He watched her. It seemed that he didn't do anything other then simply watch her. At lunch he would normally take a seat with Meredith, but he would watch her. His gaze fixed on her, every time looking away when she noticed. Why was it that suddenly she became more interesting to him than Meredith? For so long he had wanted to be with the intern, but now all he wanted was to be with Addison.

"Derek? Have you heard anything that I have said in the last five minutes?" Meredith knew that he was watching Addison. She had seen the glances and she knew them. Knew what they meant, because two months ago she had been to one receiving this glances.

Derek startled. "What? Sure, you told me that you wanted to … what did you say?" Had she seen that he had been staring at Addison? Had Meredith noticed that he was falling in love all over again, but not with her?

"All you do is stare at her these days."

"That's not true Meredith." _Of course it's true._

"Please, don't lie to yourself and especially not to me. You think that I don't notice how you watch her?" Meredith shook her head. "I really thought that this would work out between us, Derek. I wanted you to choose me and you did. But now that you have me, all you want is her." She spoke quietly, although she wanted to shout at him for breaking her heart again. "Maybe we aren't meant to be together." She told him truthfully.

"Meredith, look. Can we talk about that later?" He was watching her again. He spoke with Meredith but watched Addison, wishing nothing more than to be at her side.

"Why don't you just go to her? This was a mistake, us was a mistake. My god Derek! You love her more than anyone, more than your life. Even I can see that." Meredith was frustrated, but she knew that she was doing the right thing. Letting him go to be with his true love.

"But Meredith, I love you." _Such a lie._

"Not enough, Derek. You know that I love you with all my heart, but I can't always compete with her. You and Addison, you have so much history together, so much love. I just can't compete with that. You and me being together, would not only break her heart, but yours and mine too. Yours because you still love her so much and mine because I know that you'll never be fully mine." Meredith stood up. It was the best if she left him alone now, or else she would decide otherwise and accept the fact that he would never be hers fully.

Once again Derek was the one to be left alone. This time he watched the retreating form of Meredith and thought. "You're right."


	8. Chapter 7

_A/N.: Next chapter, sorry that it took so long._

_Disclaimer: Not mine!_

**Shattered - Chapter 7**

"You broke up with him?" Christina was speechless. She couldn't understand. Her friend had fought for so long to be with Derek and now that she finally had him, she broke up with him.

"I did and it was the best thing I've done in my whole life." Meredith sipped on her beer and watched some new guests arriving.

"But Meredith, you were so happy with him."

Meredith snorted. "Yeah and she was miserable without him." Meredith turned to look at Christina. "He's watching her."

"She's his ex-wife. Maybe he is just worrying about her."

Meredith shook her head. "No, you don't understand. He is watching her, like he used to watch me."

"You are right, I don't understand." Christina ordered another drink.

"He's falling in love with her again. I don't know why and I don't know how, but I see it."

"She spoke with him, right? She begged him to take her back."

Meredith lifted an eyebrow and said "Does Addison Montgomery-Sheperd look like someone who needs to beg?"

"Or maybe she seduced him?"

"She didn't do anything. She doesn't even look at him. She just looks hurt and everything."

They were interrupted when Izzie finally arrived. "Hey guys! What are you talking about?"

"Satan and McDreamy." Christina answered.

"What about the Shepherds?" Izzie ordered herself some water and sat down beside Meredith.

"Meredith dumped Derek, because she thinks that he's falling in love with the She-Sheperd again." Christina explained.

"That's the best thing you've ever done, Meredith." And the best thing that could have happened to Addison in this situation.

"I told her that too, but Christina doesn't believe me."

"You had him. You really had him since the prom."

"I will never have all of him, because there will always be a part that belongs to Addison."

All three of them fell silent. Then Izzie suddenly said "She's heartbroken and hurt. Every time I go to work I see it in her eyes. Every time when we treat a happy couple, which is expecting a child, I can see that she wishes she would be as lucky as them. I've never seen someone so sad and hurt."

"Now that we're speaking of her weird behaviour, she seems a little absent-minded these days. And I saw her eating three chocolate puddings at lunch break. I think something is not right with her." Christina drank a little from her beer, while she thought about what she just had said. "If she were dizzy or vomiting sometimes, I would think that she's pregnant."

Izzie choked on her water, but tried to overplay with laughing.

"You and your dreams Christina. How should she be pregnant? I mean Derek and her haven't slept together for a few months."

"I haven't said that it was from Derek. Perhaps she had a little affair with someone."

Izzie rolled her eyes. She was at the edge of saying something, but what could she say without blurting out the truth? So she just kept her mouth closed and let her two fellow interns gossip.

"You have to go house searching. You can't live in this room forever." Miranda rolled her eyes when Addison just pouted and sat down.

"I like it here. It's small, but it's everything I need. My god, Miranda I lived in a trailer. Compared to the trailer, this is the Hilton hotel." Addison laughed. "Did you get me my chocolate pudding?"

"Of course." Miranda gave her the pudding and looked at her expectedly. "When did you want to tell me that you are pregnant?" She smiled softly when Addison's eyes widened and the redhead spilled her water.

"How do you know? I told Stevens to not tell anybody."

"She didn't. She likes to gossip much, but that thing she kept secret. I figured out myself."

"How?"

"You're pale when you come to work, your eating habits are weird and you do that little thing which most pregnant women do." Miranda explained.

"What little thing?" The redhead was curios now. She had been so careful with not letting anybody know and notice, but she hadn't thought of Miranda.

"You are doing it right now."

Addison looked down on herself, but couldn't see anything different. "What?"

"You are laying your hand on your belly. It seems like you want to protect something or stroke something. Every time you treat a pregnant patient you do that, as if you want to make sure that there is something in there."

Addison sighed, at least Derek was unsuspecting. "Does anybody else know?"

Miranda shook her head. She doubted that anyone else had noticed Addison's change and else who would really think that the She-Sheperd was pregnant?

"Not long and I begin to show." Addison said thoughtfully.

"You can wear scrubs. Your McDumb husband won't notice anyway. He doesn't see things which are right under his nose."

Addison chuckled. "He saw Meredith Grey, didn't he?" Suddenly she was sad again. Meredith and Derek. Derek and Meredith. They were an item now. They were an us, like she and Derek had been for over twelve years. At least she could blame her hormones for the next few crying sessions.

"They are not together anymore. Grey dumped him at lunch break."

"How do you know? You were sitting with me at lunch break."

"News spread fast at Seattle Grace. And your McDumb husband was all confused the whole day. He ran around and looked like a lost child in the supermarket." Of course she had also seen the looks. The looks Derek gave Addison every time they were in the same room. But she didn't think that it would do Addison any good if she told her about that. "You should tell him. Tell him that he's going to be a father."

"What for? So that he comes back to me and we try again? So that we can hurt each other again? I don't think that I can take it, that my heart can take it. Derek and I, we had our chance and we missed it."

Miranda shook her head. Now she had one McDumb and one McStubborn. Life in Seattle was never boring.


	9. Chapter 8

_A/N.: Still not mine!_

**Shattered - Chapter 8**

"My god he's doing this puppy-eyes thing again." Christina rolled her eyes and looked at Preston. He was finally allowed back to work and had had already one surgery in the morning.

"Please Christina, look away, I don't want any nurse to scrub away your vomit." Preston grinned.

"It's so unnerving. Every time she walks into the room he gives her that look, but she always ignores him. God next time I see them I give both of them a shove."

"Do that. The whole hospital will thank you for that." Alex smirked. They needn't know that he had tried that once and Bailey had him do all the rectal examinations for a whole week. Next time he would check if Bailey was in the room or not.

"Karev? You're coming with me. Grey with Burke, O'Malley with Shepherd and Yang with Torres."

"Why is it always me and the Nazi?" Alex murmured and looked for some compassion, but his friends only grinned at him.

"You can be glad that you don't have to work under the She-Shepherd. She has some strange mood swings these days." Christina said and went to find Callie Torres.

"The She-Shepherd is always strange."

"Karev! Shut your mouth and follow me." Miranda hissed. Sometimes she just couldn't stand the cocky manner of the young intern. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is the best neonatal specialist here in Seattle and perhaps in the whole USA. But she's also able to kick you butt in any other surgery, so unless you want to compete with her, you shut the hell up." And that really did shut him up. For a while.

"So Dr Stevens what are we going to do?" Addison looked at Izzie expectant.

"We are going to …" Izzie couldn't finish her sentence, because Addison suddenly ran out.

"What was that about?" The young mother-to-be looked at the young doctor and raised her eyebrow. "Is she pregnant? I always ran that fast when I got sick, while I was pregnant."

Izzie swallowed. "She … she may just have eaten something bad." From the corner of her eye she watched the nurse intently, but she seemed to busy with writing something down. How should Izzie know that the nurse was writing down her newest observations?

"That's what I thought a while ago and now look at me. I just wait to pop this thing out." The young woman grinned and laughed at Izzies look. "You should go after her and check." She winked at Izzie and then started to talk with the nurse.

"Sure, hmm … then … hmm yeah … we are going to monitor you. I'll be back in half an hour to check." But the patient didn't even listen anymore, so Izzie left the room to look after Addison.

"And you really think she is pregnant?"

"Believe me, the signs are there and I know, don't I? I mean just look at her, only pregnant women are glowing like that and only pregnant women run out that fast, because they get sick. She's definitely pregnant, so bet on that and not on the disease thing."

"Good. Thank you." The nurse wanted to leave, but the young mother to be held her back.

"Don't tell anyone, yet. She doesn't want anybody to know. Of course the young doctor knows, but she seems to be the only one."

"And how do you know that?"

"She would've told anyone and the young blonde doctor wouldn't have made an excuse for her." The young woman let go of the nurse.

"Okay. I am going to delete the pregnancy from the board. I think it'll be easier for her that way." Nurse and patient smiled at each other.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd?" Izzie knocked softly on the door of one of the toilets. "Are you okay?"

The door opened and Addison stepped out. Her hair was messy and she was still pale, her red hair making her even paler. "I am okay. Dumb morning sickness."

"It'll go away eventually. You have to be patient. You are soon in your fourth month. I hope you don't eat unhealthy stuff and don't lift any heavy things."

"I don't have heavy things to lift, Izzie." Addison smiled at the overprotective new friend.

"You still living in this horrible hotel room?" Izzie was shocked. For her Addison was the incarnation of style and class, so she couldn't understand how Addison could live in this hotel room.

"I lived in a trailer, the hotel room is one step higher." She washed her face and looked in the mirror. She really looked like hell. Miranda would send her straight home, would she see her like this. And hell even the chief was sometimes frightened of the Nazi.

"You want to go home? Or take a little nap in your office? Shall I page Dr Shepherd?"

Addison paled again. "Don't page Derek. He doesn't know yet." Izzie gave her a look and Addison sighed. "Don't give me that look, I know that I should tell him, but I can't. I have to wait till the divorce is final."

"Last time I checked, he hadn't signed the papers, because you still have them. Okay, hmm it could be that I am crossing some borders now, but I have to say it. You love him. I have never seen such a great love between two people. I have seen you hurt over him, I have seen your eyes well up with tears over him. I have seen you be angry at him, yelling at him. You have so much feelings for him, but the biggest and the strongest is love and with that love not even a thousand Meredith Grey's can compete. And just look at him. He loves you the same way. You've been married to one another for over twelve years, you probably shared more good times than bad times. You both made mistakes and went in different directions, but you always seem to find each other. He's over with Meredith, because he still looks at you. Sometimes he might not see you, but you are always there with him. You are never really absent. You should think about getting a divorce Addison. He's the love of you life." With these words Izzie left her mentor alone to think about everything.

"Stevens, watch were you're going." Izzie and Bailey had a little accidents right in front of the toilets.

"Sorry Dr Bailey. If you are looking for Dr Montgomery Shepherd, she's in there."

"In fact I looked for McDumb and not McStubborn."

Izzie laughed. "Oh you got the right nicknames for them." Izzie leaned against the wall, and because of the fact that she thought she had an ally in Miranda Bailey she said "I just had a little conversation with Dr McStubborn. I believe that she thinks that she can't compete with Meredith Grey, although I told her otherwise."

Miranda sighed. "The only Ones, who don't know that Derek Shepherd is still in love with Addison, are Derek and Addison." Izzie nodded in agreement.


	10. Chapter 9

_A/N.: Thank you for the reviews ... have fun with the next chapter ..._

_Disclaimer: not mine!_

**Shattered - Chapter 9**

She was now in her 16th week of pregnancy. She had done the amnio and soon would get her results. She was scared about the results like every other mother, but she had two fabulous friends who tried to reassure her and distract her from even thinking about the results.

"You want to go out tonight?" Addison turned around. Was her imagination playing her a trick or was Derek's question really directed at her. She looked around her, but there were just some nurses and they didn't seem to notice Derek. "Yes, I meant you, Addie." Derek grinned at her.

"What for? Do you want to discuss our failed marriage? Or the fact that Meredith left you?"

"Nothing of these two. I just want to spend an evening with my wife."

Addison's eyes widened. Had he really just said that? "I haven't been your wife for two months now. No even more, because you haven't looked at me as your wife since Meredith Grey came into your view."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Derek, this doesn't make any sense to me. You had your chance, we had our chance. You chose Meredith and not me. And now that she's dumped you, you want our marriage back? Things don't happen that way, Derek. What if I go back to you? Sure we could be happy, but what if you meet the next intern and decide you don't want me anymore. I couldn't stand it again, I can't anymore. It's too much for me and my … for me." Damn, that was close. She nearly would've told him her secret.

"Addison, you want to throw our marriage away? Twelve years?" He couldn't believe it. He had imagined that she would smile at him happily and say yes. But all he got was that sad look and another glimpse at her feelings.

"You threw it away. You spit it in my face when I came here first. You had the right to be angry, because I hurt you. I understood then, but now I can't anymore. You said you are going to forgive me, I know it takes time, but did you have to let me suffer so much?"

"You could stop suffering by going out with me. We can talk about everything. We can make it work again. Just give me … us a chance. We can be happy again, Addison."

She wanted nothing more to hug him. Step into his arms and never let him go. The love was still there. Love had never been the real problem. "Give me time, Derek."

He took a step towards her, but stopped when she flinched. "We lost so much time, with me being this McStupid."

A nurse cleared her throat and said "It's McDumb and not McStupid." She laughed and went away when Derek glared at her.

"You asked for it." Addison had to smile herself.

"McStubborn." Derek murmured.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. You want time? You get time. But I am still going to pick you up tonight. At eight in the on call room." He didn't give her a chance to protest. And because of the shocked look on her face, he bend his head forward and kissed her on the lips. "Till later, Addie."

She was so shocked that she dropped the clipboard she had been holding. With flushed cheeks she bend down to collect it and finally went to see her next patient.

"He did what?"

"He kissed her."

"How do you know?"

"I know it from Callie and she knows it from Nurse Mary, who knows it from Nurse Liz, who happened to see everything." George was totally thrilled about the news and of course he was proud that it was him who told the others. It was finally him to spread some news.

"What happened then? Did she slap him?" Christina was eager to hear the whole story and also looked forward to tell Preston about it.

"No, she let her clipboard drop and blushed. Montgomery-Shepherd blushed."

"Wow, I would've given two surgeries for seeing that. Did anyone make some pictures?"

"Christina." Izzie had listened to everything, but hadn't said a word yet. "Why did he kiss her?"

"Dunno. All I know is that he asked her out for tonight." Then suddenly it dawned to George. "You could ask her. You are her friend, Izzie. She'll tell you and you could tell us."

"No, no, I won't ask her. If she tells me, okay, but I won't tell you."

"You are so bad." Christina pouted. "Meredith you would tell us, right?"

"I am not friends with Addison." Meredith sighed and begged god to end lunch break. "And I am certainly not friends with Derek."

"Better for you and all of us." Christina said and waved at Preston. "Hey do you know the news?"

Gossip really travelled fast in Seattle.


	11. Chapter 10

_A/N.: Next chapter. Won't take long for the 11th chapter to arrive, I am writing on it at the moment. Please review!_

**Shattered - Chapter 10**

"You are going to do what?" Miranda was shocked. There she was standing beside Addison Shepherd, the woman with a broken heart, and exactly this woman was telling her, that she would be going out with the man who broke her heart. "Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, you won't go out with that man!"

"Don't pull that Nazi-number on me, Miranda. I am a grown woman, hell I am even older than you." Addison rolled her eyes. It was nice to be protected by someone, but Miranda was really a little overprotective.

"Okay, fine! Go out with him. But if he breaks your heart again, I am going to push him down an elevator shaft."

"And I am going to help you with that. Miranda, just because I am going out with Derek, doesn't mean that we are a couple again."

"Let me worry, that's what friends are for. By the way, you could tell him that you are pregnant, while you're eating, maybe he'll choke and you've got one problem less."

Addison's eyes widened. "Miranda, I hope that this was a joke."

Miranda glance at her watch. Her break was over. "No, it wasn't." She turned and went to see her new patients.

The redhead shook her head and glanced at her watch. She would've liked to go back to her office and take a little nap, but she had needed the little break to eat something and now work was calling again. She sighed and prepared herself for some new cases, when her beeper vibrated. She looked at it and paled. Why would Webber want to speak with her, now?

"You wanted to talk to me?" Addison took a seat and watched the chief intently. Did he know?

"Yes. Addison, I paged you, because you would never have come to me personally."

My god, what did he talk about, Addison had no clue. Did he mean the baby or the whole Derek thing, she wasn't sure, so she kept silent.

"Was I not a good mentor? A good friend? Addison, you are like family to me, why didn't you come and tell me? Instead I have to get the information from the nurses you work with. I tried to ask Isobel Stevens about it, but she kept saying it was not her place to tell me. Damn Addison, you should have told me!"

Addison looked uncomfortable. She was still not sure what he meant. "What are you talking about?"

"What I'm talking about? I'm talking about that you'll soon have a changed nickname."

"No Satan anymore?"

"Satan? They don't call you Satan anymore. They call you McStubborn and soon will call you McPregnant. God, where are we? At MacDonald's?"

"So you know."

Richard nodded. "Yes I know and I am very disappointed in you."

Addison suddenly felt like an intern again. She remembered being scolded by Richard. "I'm sorry. It didn't feel right to tell you, if even Derek doesn't know yet."

"Derek doesn't know? Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd …" now he sounded like Miranda, "you are going to tell your husband now!"

Addison froze. He couldn't make her do it, could he? "You don't understand, Richard. I can't tell him now."

"Why? It can't be that difficult."

"The divorce is not final yet. If I tell him now, then he'll come back to me."

"But that's where he belongs."

"I don't want him to come back to me, because of a baby. I want him to come back to me because he loves me."

"You women are so blind." Richard said and then sighed. "I also happen to know that you and Derek are going out tonight. You are going to tell him about the baby tonight or I am going to tell him tomorrow."

She stubbornly shook her head. "You are not my mentor anymore."

"No, I'm not, but I am your boss and you are going to do what I say." Richard laughed inwardly at the sight which Addison was giving him. She looked like a little stubborn child. The pout making her look younger and her eyes making her look more vulnerable. "Now go and if I see you working too hard, I'll put you on bed rest."

"You are worse than Miranda."

Richard just raised an eyebrow. He was sure that Addison would mock him as soon as she left his office. "Good bye, Addison."

Addison left the room. "Good bye, Addison." She mocked and winced when she heard the chief shout "I heard that!" She pulled a face and went back to work.

It was seven-thirty and she was finally changing into her normal clothes. Since she had found out about her pregnancy she had started to wear scrubs again, because scrubs would hide her pregnancy better then normal clothes.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" Meredith looked at the woman in front of her. No wonder that Derek was falling in love with her again. Montgomery-Shepherd looked like a model in her street clothes and that made Meredith feel like a grey mouse. How should Meredith know that Addison had been a geek in school and totally obsessed with Star Wars?

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"I … I …" Meredith fumbled nervously with her scrubs. Oh she shouldn't have followed the redheaded doctor.

"Something wrong with a patient?" She put on her dark blue skirt and begged that she would be able to close it.

"No." Meredith shook her head and eyed Addison curiously. "Do you need any help?"

Addison laughed and blushed slightly. "No, no. It seems I put on some weight."

Meredith giggled. "Too much eating out of frustration, hä?"

_Stupid little girl._ "Seems so." Finally she had worked miracles and had succeeded in closing her skirt. "So what do you want to speak about?"

Meredith blushed and searched for the right words, before they just slipped through her lips. "He loves you?"

Addison raised an eyebrow. "Who? No wait, this Catherine Deneuve freak is back, right?"

"No, no … I … I meant Derek … Dr. Shepherd." Meredith stuttered and took on a deeper shade of red. "He loves you. Go back to him."

"Do you think it is that easy? So much has happened the last few months. You were with him. You love him Meredith, why did you leave him if you love him?"

"Because I can't compete with you!" Meredith blurted out and quickly covered her mouth with her hands.

"What do you mean, you can't compete with me. He chose you, didn't he? He left me, his wife for you." Addison sat down on a bench and put her head in her hands. Then she looked up again. "Derek sometimes behaves like a little child. He always wants what is unavailable. First it was you and now it's me. That's Derek."

Meredith smiled. She had thought exactly the same. Maybe she and Addison could be friends after all. "But you still love him."

A lonely tear ran down Addison's cheek. "Yes I do, but who wouldn't?"


	12. Chapter 11

_A/N.: Next chapter!_

_Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly!_

**Shattered - Chapter 11**

Meredith stared at Addison. She couldn't believe how right that woman was. She had to just look at herself. She loved him too, maybe not as intense as Addison, but she still loved him. And she was giving him up, for her former enemy.

"Tell me Meredith, do you still love him?" Addison looked at her with big, sad eyes. God, she looked like a little helpless child.

"Like you said, who wouldn't?" Meredith sat down beside Addison. "I want you to know that I am not a threat to you anymore. Derek and I, we are over."

"For now? Because, Meredith, if I go back to him now and you decide to want him back in a few months, I don't know if I am strong enough to stay in Seattle."

Meredith grinned. "Ah, yeah. 'Cause chief Webber needs you, right?"

Addison blushed. "That sounded very self conscious right?"

"You've got every right to be like that. Chief Webber worships the ground you walk on." Meredith smiled again, then stood up and said seriously "Derek and I are over, forever."

"But he loves you also."

"Not as much as he loves you. Every time he walks into a room, the first thing he looks for is you."

"Doesn't it feel weird for you to tell me such things? I mean he was looking at you … all the time that I was with him in Seattle, he was looking at you. Do you know how it feels when the man you love looks over your shoulder and his eyes search for another woman?"

Meredith sighed. She hadn't known a few weeks ago. "I do. I didn't when you told me all those things which happened in New York. But now I do." Then suddenly Meredith laughed. "Do you see the irony too? You loosing your husband over me and me loosing your husband over you. Our whole world is like a bad soap opera."

Addison laughed slightly and glanced at her watch. "I have to go now. McDumb is picking me up at eight." She stood up a little to fast and the room went spinning. "God, why can't this ever stop?" she groaned and sat down again.

"Should I get Derek? Or tell him that you don't feel well?"

"No. It's okay. The dizziness is over now." _Liar, the room's still spinning. You just don't want anyone to find out._

"You sure? Maybe I should run a few tests on you." Meredith bent down and tried to feel Addison's pulse.

"Dr. Grey, stop that! I am fine, really. What is it with you interns that you want to run so many tests on me?"

Meredith laughed. "We are just worrying about our favourite Dr. Shepherd."

Addison pouted. "That was a really bad joke and very mean."

"You are Izzies favourite doctor and George really thinks that you are a good teacher. You even succeeded with teaching Alex a lesson. Christina doesn't really have anything against you, it's only me who hates you."

Addison looked up and smiled. "We could try to be friends and start to hate Derek together."

Meredith laughed. "We could do that. Or you could go on a nice date with your husband and try to make your marriage work again."

"A few weeks ago I really tried to hate you." Addison sighed. "But I couldn't."

"Why?" Meredith was surprised. She was sure that Addison would show her the cold shoulder or worse that Addison would play Satan on her.

"Because I saw how much you loved him. Because he was happy with you again. All I want him to be is happy."

"He's happy. Happy with you!" Meredith reached out and helped Addison up. "And now, go on a date with your husband and make it work again." _Wow, Meredith you're a grown up now._

"It was nice speaking with you." The women shook hands and smiled at each other and then went their separate ways.

"You are a little late." Derek was waiting in front of the on-call room. Technically she hadn't been late, he just had been early, like half an hour.

"I am not late. Its two minutes before eight. You just were early." She smiled at him, but winced when he reached for her hand. She hid both of her hands behind her back and plastered a smile on her face. "Where are we going? I am starving."

He tried to not show that he was disappointed and answered her "I found a nice little Italian."

"As long as they have chocolate pudding, I am fine with everything."

"Okay, then lets go." Again he tried to take her hand, but again she hid both of her hands behind her back. "What's wrong, Addison?"

"I can't let you touch me now."

"Why?"

"Because when you touch me, I feel all those butterflies in my stomach."

He threw her one of his most gorgeous smiles and that made her heart leap. "Give me your hand, Addie."

She sighed and looked him in the eye. He looked at her with so much love it nearly made her cry. When was the last time she had seen that look? She couldn't remember.

"Come on, Addie! You're starving and we won't go until you give me your hand." He smiled at her wickedly and laughed when she blushed. When was the last time he had seen her blush like that? He could remember. It had been this morning when he had kissed her. It had been an innocent kiss, but he had seen her blush. And it had made him want her so much. "Give me your hand, Addie."

This time she reached for him and his happy smile made her smile too. They shared a silent moment, when suddenly her stomach growled.

"I think that means that we are going now." Derek grinned and held her hand even tighter. He wanted to go, but she stood still and looked at him. "What? Something wrong?"

"I have to tell you something." She said seriously.

My god, she wants to cancel the date. She's not ready. "Tell me." Derek paled. He was frightened, would she really cancel the date?

But suddenly a huge smile spread over her face and she said "If they don't have chocolate pudding, we have to go elsewhere."

He laughed. "Everywhere you want, my love."


	13. Chapter 12

_Next part or last part, depends on you ... lol_

**Shattered - Chapter 12**

He decided that he was a lucky guy, because the restaurant had chocolate pudding on its menu. But not that fact alone made him lucky, he also had the most beautiful wife in the whole world.

Addison was a little uncomfortable. They had ordered their meals and then suddenly both had fallen silent. It was weird to be on a date with your husband after those months. It was weird to look into his eyes and see him looking back. She didn't know what to say to him and also couldn't think of an interesting topic they could speak about till their meals arrived. So she just took a sip of her water and waited for him to start a conversation.

Derek wondered. Addison was a wine drinker. Normally when they had gone out she would always have a glass of white wine or red wine, that depended on the food they were eating. Also she had refused to order champagne. She hadn't told him why, she only had refused to order it. "Addison, I have to ask you something."

"Mhmm." She nodded and took another sip of her water.

"Why don't you drink a glass of wine? I mean you always drink one glass when we were going out. You also refused to drink champagne. Addie, you love champagne, you would never refuse a glass of it. What are you, pregnant?"

She choked on her water and her eyes widened. _Don't blush, don't blush_. "Äh … hmm …" She couldn't say anything. If she told him that she wasn't, she would be lying to him and she didn't want to have a relationship based on lies.

Derek didn't see her blush, he just kept on talking. "You know I want a family. I know we are just starting our relationship again and it's far too soon to even ask you if you want to come back and live with me. But I have the feeling that I have to be completely honest with you, so I am telling you that I want a family. With you."

"A … a … family?"

"Yeah, you know, you and me and a baby."

"B-b-baby?" She was stuttering, but she couldn't anything against it.

"These little crying things you are caring for. What's wrong Addison? Are you getting sick?" Her face had gone from red to white and she looked like she was really getting sick.

"Excuse me." She stood up, luckily she wasn't getting dizzy, and ran as fast as possible in direction were she thought that the toilets were.

Derek gave her a few minutes and then followed her. He didn't care that it was a women's toilet, he just wanted to make sure that she was alright. "Addie?" She sat on the floor crying. Derek sat down beside her and took her in his arms. "I'm sorry if I scared you about making a baby." He stroke her back softly and waited for her to speak.

"Derek, we can't make a baby." It was time to tell him the truth. He deserved to know that he was to become a father in a few months.

"Addison, I know that we can't make a baby right now. First we have to work our marriage out and …"

She interrupted him by saying "I am already pregnant." And then the tears came flowing again.

He was shocked. His eyes were wide open, like his mouth. "You, you … for how long?"

"For how long what?"

"How far a long are you?"

"Sixteen weeks. Look, Derek, I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you sooner."

He softly stroke her hair. There were so many feelings, so many things he wanted to tell her. But then he just said "Is it Marks?"

Her face fell and for a moment anger flooded over her, but it was replaced with hurt. How could he think so? She closed her eyes to hide the pain which she knew that showed in her eyes.

He put one hand on her chin and lifted her head. "Open your eyes, Addie and tell me from whom it is."

She clenched her teeth and opened her eyes. "It's yours."

"Mine? Then why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She snorted and grinned. "When? While you were flirting with Meredith? I only know for two weeks now."

"Does anybody else know?" _Is this your only sorrow?_

"Stevens knows, she ran the tests and made the ultra sound. And of course Miranda and Richard."

Derek looked down on her stomach. Not long and she would start to show. Was he imagining or hadn't she closed her skirt properly. "You are starting to show." He grinned at her. "Soon we will have to go maternity shopping."

"You and shopping? Since when?" Addison raised an eyebrow. Wasn't he angry or anything? "Why aren't you angry?"

He smiled again and leaned down to kiss her shortly. "Why should I be angry? The woman I love is carrying my child, that's the most wonderful thing in the world."

Addison wondered. Was this really Derek McDumb Shepherd? She had thought that he would be angry, because she hadn't told him, but instead he was grinning like a fool and telling her that he loved her. Loved her? She looked up at him. "What did you say?"

Now he took her hands and looked into her eyes lovingly. "I said that I love you!"

Both knew that they had to work out so many things about their marriage and her pregnancy, but all of this didn't matter for one moment. Because in this moment they were happy.


	14. Epilogue

_The last part. I hope it is not too bad, because I have a major writers block at the moment. maybe I'll write a sequel, but that depends on school :D_

* * *

**Shattered - Epilogue**

One month since he learned about the baby. One month since he finally chose the right person. The person who loved him. The person whom he really loved. He knew now that his heart belonged to nobody else but Addison. He knew that he was doing the right thing. Surprisingly he was not hurting anymore, he finally could look at Addison again and don't see her in bed with Mark. All he could see, when he looked at her, was him and her, together.

"You ready?" she asked him and smiled softly. Damn she was beautiful.

"Sure." He took one of her hands and sat down beside her.

"Okay. Izzie, we can start."

The blonde in front of them grinned at the Shepherds. "Okay Dr Shepherd, prepare yourself for listening to the heartbeat of your baby the first time." It only took a few seconds for Izzie to find the heartbeat of the baby. "Here it is. Listen!"

"It's awesome." Derek grinned like an idiot, while Addison was just glowing more and more. "It's a miracle." Derek murmured and held Addie's hand even tighter.

She smiled at him and said "We made this, Derek."

"We did." His smile widened. It was hard to put his happiness in the right words, so he just said "I love you, Addison."

"I love you, Derek." She answered.

"I'll leave you too alone." Izzie said and left.

"Do you want to know what it'll be?" Derek grinned. He was curios and didn't think that he could wait till the birth of their child to finally know the gender.

"Derek, you know that I want it to be a surprise."

"But I have to know. You know I have to paint the walls in the nursery."

Addison rolled her eyes and sighed. "The nursery's not even build yet, Derek. So don't make a fuss."

They had started to build a house on the land Derek owned. The trailer was gone and they lived in an apartment till the house was build. "But we have to buy cute little baby clothes and I have to call my mother to send me my baby blanket."

"Derek, we've got enough time. Calm down, its not like this thing will pop out anytime soon." She grinned when he made a disgusted face.

"Are you speaking like that with your patients too?" He grinned when she hit him playfully. "Ready to go home?"

It was good to hear him speak like that again. Although that they were living in an apartment at the moment, they called it their home. Finally they were able to go home together again.

Addison took Derek's hand. "With you I would go till the end of the world."

Together they walked out of the hospital and went home.

Two months since he had chosen another person. One month since he finally was back with his real love.


End file.
